Black hole sun

When there is a void so obvious in your life, what do you do? seriously. what if you don't know what is supposed to fill the void, should you just play the game of trial and error? Just see how long you can throw garbage into a bottomless pit? or do you figure out what is supposed to go there? Lately I've been going out with friends killin some beers having a good time. It feels like I'm just using a temporary fix to feel whole again. I'm not getting stimulus. the world just feels bland to me. I told my friend holly a few days ago that I drink to make everyone else more interesting; which for the most part is true. Not for my friends perse, but situations in general. I just need some spice in life and I can't find it. someone just show me something new please god. I think everyone thinks I tag walls because I think it expresses my creativity or some shit; actually it gives me a thrill; I get high off of it. thats what I want, something to just make me feel amazing, chemicals just work for a few hours. fuck it I need to find happiness.